Feels like a loonnngg time since last Thursday morning. We’ve gone from France to Italy and let’s just say…we miss France.
First, back to our last day and night in France. True to my word, we did nothing alllll day except read and relax. Then we went up to Fleur de Sel and splurged on our last meal in Haut de Cagnes. Scott was in food nirvana (to put it nicely) when the aroma of his Le Foie Gras Poele hit his nose and then his tastebuds. Drool was falling down his chin. My dinner was pretty nice too but not drool-worthy. 3 hours and 4 courses later, we waddle back down the hill. (We each have 3 chins now.)
Very VERY sad to leave Maison Bleu the next morning! However, the prospect of Italy seemed like a nice consolation.
We headed first to Menton - the last stop in France. It’s a lovely seaside town just east of Monaco (which we bypassed) that used to be the winter residence of Queen Victoria and half her court. The architecture is ornately decorated and pink, yellow and white (the colours are Italian but the decoration is French – I’m sure there’s a fancy historical period name for that but I don’t know it).
As per usual (ho-hum heehee), we stopped for lunch in one of the brasseries lining the seafront and meet our waiter, who we christened “Agadore” (from the Bird Cage) because his feet appeared to not belong to his body. He shuffled over to take our order, then shuffled across the street to the restaurant to put it in, then shuffled back to pour us some water and bring us a basket of bread and then shuffled back across. We ordered the special which we learned never to do again – it’s yesterday’s leftovers – including the fish ugh. (We’re just a little fussy?) Then Scott had the nerve to order the house special dessert which was not included with the special special and he HAD to have it was his favorite – a tarte citron. I think they had to mill the flour for the crust because it took THAT LONG for the thing to arrive. Then, we requested il conto – the bill – no wait, that’s Italian, ummmm oh yes – l’ addition!! and I think they had to manufacture the paper for it because after I left and walked the beach up and down for a 1/2 hour Scott still hadn’t seen it. (He finally went into the restaurant to pay it but he could have just as easily sauntered right out.)
After lunch we decide we should at least do SOMETHING cultural because really, we’ve just been laying around, or sitting around, or wandering around aimlessly - mastering the art of indolence! (AT LAST – SOMETHING WE EXCEL AT!!). So we go to the Musee du (de?) Beaux Arts. First it takes us 20 minutes to find the entrance which is a tiny closed door at the back of the building. We go in and the atmosphere is hushed, reverent and tomblike. There is NO ONE in the museum except an old lady selling postcards. We climb the ornate marble staircase and whisper to each other – we’re afraid to disturb the dust that’s settled over everything. There are 5 rooms, each with about 6 paintings in them that are dark, religiously-themed (is anything in Southern Europe NOT religiously-themed?) and not very interesting at all. Until the Uffizi in Italy we decide we’re done with culture. I know – such PHILISTINES!!
Carrying on, we cross the border to Italy and we knew we were there as soon as we hit the first tunnel on the autostrada (there are no tunnels in France). The country is mountainous all the way down to the ocean and is shaped sort of like fingers. You go through a tunnel, then there’s a valley that’s covered with houses and vineyards and olive groves and other mysterious agricultural stuff, and at the bottom is the Mediterranean. It’s like playing peekaboo for an hour and a half.We arrive in Ameglia and Scott’s a wreck – Italian drivers are even more insane than the French! Steve, Jeremy and Jeff would LOVE it here. There IS a speed limit and there ARE lines on the road but these are merely suggestions. No one takes them seriously and they get quite annoyed with you if you don’t “get” this. Anyway, this is where things start to fall apart. First, I can’t find the address to the hotel we’re staying in for one night before we get to our rental in Bagnone. So we’re guessing where to go. Meanwhile the GPS is leading us up ridiculously narrow and steep streets to the old town (there is ALWAYS an old town and it’s ALWAYS on a hill here) and Scott is death-gripping the steering wheel and I’m wisely keeping my mouth shut. Eventually, we re-program it to the nearest hotel and the stupid thing takes us on what we are SURE is a goat track. However, the GPS SAYS to go that way so that way we go (this is where brains need to take over I think??). It ends up on an even NARROWER goat track and we finally decide that something has gone wrong with the navigation system. I say meekly - “maybe we should back up” and Scott screams – “back up?? back up??? Are you KIDDING me???” But, we have no other choice, so, sweating profusely, he does. He almost makes it! Just 5 more feet!! And then, disaster. The car’s left side wheels fall off. I mean, the WHEELS don’t fall off – the CAR falls halfway off the ROAD – into someone’s driveway. We sit there, head in hands, thinking - this can NOT be good. And yes, no joking, this really DID happen.

A woman on the road below us (probably the one the GPS MEANT us to take) starts gesturing wildly and talking rapidly in Italian – we understand this to mean “stupid tourists, can’t you SEE that it’s a goat track??”. A guy on a motorcyle drives up and shakes his head and in heavily accented English says “very very bad”. REALLY??? NO KIDDING!! Anyway, he’s a very nice man and he goes off to find help. Meanwhile a very well-dressed older gentleman drives up on a Vespa and he can speak some English (turns out he was in Canada 25 years ago – we have a nice conversation about it). He also shakes his head. We will be the talk of the town that night I’m sure.
Eventually, help arrives in the form of 3 men (one is obviously the father because he barks orders at the other two who mutely obey) in a flatbed truck with a lift. They pile out (shaking their heads) and then the men (including Scott and the motorcyle guy) go to work physically heaving the car back on to the track. There are terrible grinding noises and lots of shouting but it gets done quickly. I’m impressed. No lasting damage has been done to the car! However, to ensure that he gets payment – the guy loads the car on to his flatbed (he says he’s from Sarzana but I think he must have some Sicilian blood too) and takes us to a bank machine because he wants 300 EUROS!! and we only have 200. The bank machine doesn’t take our cards. We go to another one – still nothing. FINALLY, he drives us to Sarzana, talking about carni and god knows what else (I assume he’s not happy to be missing his dinner?) to a buddy who has a Mastercard machine. It works! So he unloads our hostaged car, shakes our hands vigorously and drives off – apparently to have his delayed dinner.
Ahhhh Italy – we love it already! (Grrr) We get to the hotel – don’t ask how - and we are greeted by the restaurant manager because the owner has stepped out. He looks in the book and there is NO reservation BUT luckily there is one “camere” (room) left! But he kindly encourages us to have drinks to wait for the owner and we willingly oblige. Then we are invited to have dinner in the dining room and we don’t CARE how much it costs – we’re not driving ANYWHERE. We have a very good bottle of wine – a Di Leonardo Sauvignon Blanc – that goes well with my seafood risotto and Scott’s pasta, pay a fortune and then we fall into bed and are out in seconds.
In the morning, we are about to check out and pay the bill, and Stephano – our wonderful host – says “your reservation was for tonight – you are confused about the days”. WHAT????? Do you mean to tell me that we could have stayed in Maison Bleu for one more night and we might NOT have ended up on (and off) the goat track???? Aaaagggghhhh!!!
But, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade right?? So, since we have an extra day in Italy, we go to the beach. I put on my ridiculously teeny tiny bikini because Scott said it looked fine (I severely doubted that but it was oddly freeing) and I sure didn’t look as bad as some we saw! We rented two beach chairs and an umbrella and parked ourselves among the astounding buffet of flesh (mamma mia!!) for the day. It was very hot but we couldn’t feel it because of the strong sea breeze that assaulted the body. Arriving back at the hotel we were shocked to see that we were both beet red even though Scott stayed under the umbrella all day and I was already tanned. So, note to self, do NOT lie on the beach for hours cooking yourself like a Sunday roast even IF you want to be the best you can be at indolence.

Deciding we can’t afford another meal at the hotel, good as it was, we drive to Lerici – a town that hangs on the cliffs like Cinque Terre but we’ve been told is far less touristy. On the way, (this is for you Gwen and Brendan), we pass a sign that says “Mexico cafe de art” with a banner next to it reading “Pizza” and below it (I swear to god it’s true even though I didn’t get evidence) a sign saying O’Neill’s Irish Pub – in ITALY!!!
Anyway, once again, Scott is white-knuckled as he manouvers the car down the steep and narrow streets to the harbour. Then he parks and worries whether it will be towed. Finally he relaxes when we find a place serving pizza on the piazza overlooking the harbour and he has a huge glass of beer in his hand. The sun is setting behind the hills and casting soft light on the boats bobbing in the harbour and the bambini’s playing around the statue (seriously!! I’m not kidding!! It really was that beautiful).



Scott orders a calzone (Texano – he’s hoping for some spicy heat) and I have a pizza with gorgonzola and speck (the chins are expanding again) and when Scott’s calzone arrives (see picture below) his eyes are big, round disbelieving saucers. It’s ENORMOUS. I laugh at his expression and so does the guy at the table next to us. He manages to finish the whole thing – claiming most of it is air.

- NOT edited!!

We wind our way back to the hotel and once again the GPS leads us down a goat track! In the dark!! Luckily THIS one is mostly untrafficked and stays the same SIZE all the way to the hotel.
Which brings us to this morning. Finally. I can’t sleep for the birds singing, the roosters crowing and a distant donkey sounding like it’s being murdered so I decide to go for a walk down last night’s track. The view across the cultivated fields to Ameglia’s old town perched in the hills is spectacular and I forgot the camera! (I tried to get a picture later in the day but it wasn’t the same.) A woman having her morning run passes me and looks suspiciously at me – as if I might, I don’t know – speak English at her?
We have breakfast – we’re the only ones in the dining room and our new waiter – Paolo – is so eager to be of service that he asks me 3 times if I’d like more cappucino or ham. Then he runs around straightening napkins and forks and knives and adjusting the buffet 45 times – I look at him and he shrugs and says – “it is my job”. Checking out, we promise Stephano (who has eyes like a puppy dog) to send him a postcard from Canada. He’s been really wonderful, talking to us frequently, making sure we’re happy – we feel very special.


We head to Lucca and hallelujah! Find parking immediately! (This is a miracle in Italy so far.) And the town is flat!! Not at the top (or bottom) of a huge hill! We go to the tourist office and meet the wacky German lady working there who spits out quotes from Beatles songs and says repeatedly – you have to be nice right? She lets me use the toilet (although it’s restricted) because she thinks I am sweet. Too funny!
Lucca has a fortified wall surrounding it and you can walk, or bike, on the tree-shaded paths and go into the town center from various points along it. We rented bikes because my feet are killing me from the walk and burning them on the beach. Good decision!! After biking all the way around, true to form, we find the center of town – the Anfiteatro – and guess what?? YES!! We sit at a cafe and EAT!! We did actually go in one church though! Not the Duomo – we couldn’t find it (but we didn’t really look very hard either).

Back on the road again, we head for our final Southern European home – Bagnone. The roads this time are good so Scott is relatively relaxed. The GPS once again takes us on the winding, scenic route but this time the track is at least as big as a small herd of goats. The whole town is out and lining the streets goggling at us (reminds me of Didsbury) as we drive through to our rental waaayyy up in the hills. Ok, so this is NO Maison Bleu and we were very spoiled by it (and France)! Here, on the Via Corlaga (which you have to get to by going on the Via Gallileo Gallilee – trying saying THAT a few times in a row! We laugh hysterically at the American voice’s really really bad pronunciation of it.
So imagine, the door is practically ON the busy road (there are two steps) and as people roar up and down it they beep their horns to let other people know they’re coming. Joy! We open the door, expecting – well, probably something similar to Maison Bleu and are disappointed. There’s no stove – just a hot plate, the kitchen is IN the living room, and other than that, there’s a bathroom and a bedroom and the bed is this time so soft that we’re afraid we’ll fall through it. (Actually, it turned out to be very comfortable for me). We’re not homesick yet (getting there a little though) but we really miss our bed!! It’s Sunday and NOTHING in Italy is open except gas stations and carwashes. So, no wine for the evening meal, no milk for the morning coffee, and no breakfast period. There are no outdoor cafe’s (worth sitting in) either and the nearest grocery store is 51 km’s away. Probably a good thing – starving for a day or two might get rid of ONE chin??
HOPEFULLY, the rest of our time in Italy improves or we may go back to France. I still have that cooking class in Florence though! Assuming I don’t get the date wrong and the train actually gets there (the guest book says it fairly commonly stops in Verzanna with no connection to Florence – what??). It leaves at 6:15 in the morning, has about 12 stops, and arrives at 8:30 am. I hope I can stay awake through the class – we haven’t gotten up that early on PURPOSE since home.
Final note – shockingly, we are finding that Italy is more expensive than France – except for the beach. 12 euros for a beach chair versus 3. BUT, in France, someone waits on you for the 12 euros. Ahhh, to have been born rich and French. Or, we’d have settled for just rich.
PS – HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALISHIA! Hope you had a wonderful day! : )